I‘ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
The problem is however, when you try to advise your friends not to re-kindle the flame with their ex manpickle or ladypickle, they’re just going to go and do the exact opposite aren’t they?
But now we have scientific research to prove that getting back with your ex really is a bad idea!
Over at Kansas State University, Prof Amber Vennum of family studies and human services conducted some research on couples who had broken up and later gotten back together.
Note that she refers to these relationships as — “cyclical relationships” (could almost be misread for ‘cynical relationships’). I think you know what’s coming ….
Findings showed that couples in a cyclical relationship tended to be more impulsive about major relationship transitions — like moving in together, buying a pet together or having a child together — than those not in a cyclical relationship. As a result, the couples in cyclical relationships tended to be less satisfied with their partner; had worse communication; made more decisions that negatively affected the relationship; had lower self-esteem; and had a higher uncertainty about their future together.
And just to be sure, Professor Vennum (what a name) also studied some more ‘cyclical’ married couples. Her findings showed that the forementioned issues persisted into marriage…
Couples who were cyclical prior to marriage … began their marriage with lower satisfaction and higher conflict than noncyclical married couples. Over time, satisfaction with the marriage continued to decrease for cyclical couples. Additionally, spouses who were cyclical before marriage were also more likely to experience a trial separation during the first three years of marriage.
The prosecution rests.
And just incase you were thinking of adding your story in the comments box about a couple that broke up and got back together/ now happily married with three kids, Vennum does acknowledge that if specific efforts are made to establish clarity behind a breakup, it is possible to salvage and repair the relationship. More likely than the salvaging though, is a slow and painful slide into misery and general crumminess.
“Don’t get back together,” says Professor Vennum. “Study after study shows that when our relationships are poor, we don’t function well.”
Now I’m off to write a story about a spy and the evil Professor Vennum.
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