Who tried the Hardest at Cannes?

By

19th May, 2012

20120519-143802.jpg

Disclaimer: This is a not a very serious article about the fashion at Cannes this year. Do not expect any professional fashion critique on any level, nor anything particularly constructive to say about the outfits seen here. Also if I come across jealous or obnoxious in regards to actress Eva Longoria, it’s possible that I am.

Tried really Hard…


Eva Longoria

20120519-141020.jpg

Here is Eva making her appearance on the red carpet sporting a dress with a train so big that it needed its own personal assistant. She looks majestic– like she’s up for Best Actress at the Oscars. Cool! Which film was she nominated for? Well technically she wasn’t nominated for anything, she  was attending a premiere for a film that she wasn’t actually in. The Desperate Housewives actress is in Cannes getting paid to promote L’Oreal hair care products.

Oh.

20120519-141210.jpg

But, but, but! She did have some pretty interesting stuff to tell reporters in her interviews, like this for example: “You know, I’m Mexican, and in our culture, long hair means sexy. Like a weapon of mass destruction!” And journalists actually write that sh*t down. This is probably why L’Oreal hired her.

Diane Kruger

It’s not so much that it’s Diane trying really hard here- it’s her bra. That thing is working overtime.

20120519-141428.jpg

 

 

 

Jane Fonda

20120519-141656.jpg

For Fonda, showing women what they could look like at her age if they tried a little harder has almost become her full-time job now. Just look at the woman, she literally looks like a trophy; the trophy you get given at 70 if you manage to look as fabulous as women half your age.

 

 

Eva Herzigova

20120519-142159.jpg

You know Eva spends a pretty substantial amount of time planning her outfits, getting dressed, draping herself in those diamonds, so much so that she hasn’t had time to even eat a sandwich since 1994 (her Wonderbra days). Nevertheless, she does look like she owns the country, if not the world.

 

 

Freida Pinto

20120519-144911.jpg

I think Pinto is adorable. She seems like the adorable little girl who wants to wear a pretty dress for the party. She tries really hard and we love her for it.

Didn’t try hard (‘I wake up like this’)


Tilda Swinton

20120519-142615.jpg

Tilda Swinton can wear the most extravagant dress to a party and still look like she couldn’t care less what people think. She’s all about the art, not silly style critique columns that talk about what people wear…kind of like this one. Nobody messes with Tilda. Nobody dares mess with Tilda. Not even me.

 

 

Lara Stone

20120519-142826.jpg

Lara Stone didn’t bother to iron her dress, or alter it so it wouldn’t kind of gape at the side of her boobs. The casual attitude shows she is aware she is not the star of the show here (even though she does look like Brigitte Bardot’s long lost daughter). Cannes is after all about the cinema; the actors, the directors and the films. Although it’s also about cleavage, too.

 

 

Marion Cotillard

20120519-143101.jpg

Here’s an actress who doesn’t ooze desperation at all! Her outfit is lovely without being attention-grabbing and over-thought. But of course, Cotillard has earned the right to show up in a sparkly pink tutu if she wanted to because this was kind of her night. She’s promoting an actual film called Rust and Bone in which she plays a woman who struggles to cope with losing her legs after a horrific accident. Heavy stuff. Perhaps heavier than promoting hair care products… (okay, last dig at Eva, promise).

 

 

Fan Bing Bing

20120519-143219.jpg

Here is Fan Bing Bing. And I want that name. Fan Bing Bing obviously goes to sleep and wakes up looking like a perfect porcelain geisha doll. She was probably born wearing bright red lipstick and her hair styled like that. Never has such an extravagant, elegant look been made to look so natural and effortless.

 

 

Charlotte Casiraghi, Princess of Monaco

20120519-143555.jpg

Charlotte pulled out this old thing from the back of her closet. Because Charlotte’s closet is basically just full of amazing ball gowns that most of us can only ever dream about. Because that’s what happens when you’re the Princess of Monaco. Ball gowns are pretty much flying at you from all directions. No biggie.

:::

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:

You Might Also Like

Comments

More in AbandonedDon't Be A TouristNostalgiaOff-Beat & Little Known

Hot Off the Press

Editor's Picks

salemwitchmuseum

Welcome to Halloweentown, USA

“I think I saw the Head Witch of Salem in Trader Joe’s today,” I remember my mother saying. “She was wearing a pointy hat and cape in front of me at the checkout.” Welcome to Salem, Mas...

Trending 1,565
parisianbohemian

The Secret Bohemian Dinner Party in Paris

Behind the ominous door at number 8 Rue de Conservatoire, a secret bohemian dinner party awaits... Up the theatrical marble staircase, knock at the door on the first floor to find your eveni...

Trending 8,217
delaney

The Miniature Library of Forgotten Curiosities

If you can't have your own velvet-curtained library complete with dusty volumes, mysterious documents and antique treasures, how about a miniature one? On my internet travels today, I stumbled upo...

Trending 3,796
catacombs25

Penetrating the Paris Catacombs: Level One

We were told to dress in inconspicuous clothing, wear sturdy boots and gloves, bring food supplies, an ID in case of arrest and a rosary in case of the unimaginable. We met our host to the underworl...

Trending 14,774
dopples

13 Things I Found on the Internet Today (Vol.XCVII)

1. A Biblical Theme Park in Florida Photographer Daniel Cronin to the ancient and sacred land of Orlando, Florida to visit The Holy Land Experience, a Biblical theme park owned and operated by the...

Trending 21,281
connecticut

For Sale! The Ghost Town that Nobody Wanted

Johnsonville, Connecticut may be completely void of (human) inhabitants at present and characterised by those particular houses where one might occasionally see the faint shadows of children in ni...

Trending 163,150