Disclaimer: This is a not a very serious article about the fashion at Cannes this year. Do not expect any professional fashion critique on any level, nor anything particularly constructive to say about the outfits seen here. Also if I come across jealous or obnoxious in regards to actress Eva Longoria, it’s possible that I am.
Tried really Hard…
Here is Eva making her appearance on the red carpet sporting a dress with a train so big that it needed its own personal assistant. She looks majestic– like she’s up for Best Actress at the Oscars. Cool! Which film was she nominated for? Well technically she wasn’t nominated for anything, she was attending a premiere for a film that she wasn’t actually in. The Desperate Housewives actress is in Cannes getting paid to promote L’Oreal hair care products.
But, but, but! She did have some pretty interesting stuff to tell reporters in her interviews, like this for example: “You know, I’m Mexican, and in our culture, long hair means sexy. Like a weapon of mass destruction!” And journalists actually write that sh*t down. This is probably why L’Oreal hired her.
It’s not so much that it’s Diane trying really hard here- it’s her bra. That thing is working overtime.
For Fonda, showing women what they could look like at her age if they tried a little harder has almost become her full-time job now. Just look at the woman, she literally looks like a trophy; the trophy you get given at 70 if you manage to look as fabulous as women half your age.
You know Eva spends a pretty substantial amount of time planning her outfits, getting dressed, draping herself in those diamonds, so much so that she hasn’t had time to even eat a sandwich since 1994 (her Wonderbra days). Nevertheless, she does look like she owns the country, if not the world.
I think Pinto is adorable. She seems like the adorable little girl who wants to wear a pretty dress for the party. She tries really hard and we love her for it.
Didn’t try hard (‘I wake up like this’)
Tilda Swinton can wear the most extravagant dress to a party and still look like she couldn’t care less what people think. She’s all about the art, not silly style critique columns that talk about what people wear…kind of like this one. Nobody messes with Tilda. Nobody dares mess with Tilda. Not even me.
Lara Stone didn’t bother to iron her dress, or alter it so it wouldn’t kind of gape at the side of her boobs. The casual attitude shows she is aware she is not the star of the show here (even though she does look like Brigitte Bardot’s long lost daughter). Cannes is after all about the cinema; the actors, the directors and the films. Although it’s also about cleavage, too.
Here’s an actress who doesn’t ooze desperation at all! Her outfit is lovely without being attention-grabbing and over-thought. But of course, Cotillard has earned the right to show up in a sparkly pink tutu if she wanted to because this was kind of her night. She’s promoting an actual film called Rust and Bone in which she plays a woman who struggles to cope with losing her legs after a horrific accident. Heavy stuff. Perhaps heavier than promoting hair care products… (okay, last dig at Eva, promise).
Fan Bing Bing
Here is Fan Bing Bing. And I want that name. Fan Bing Bing obviously goes to sleep and wakes up looking like a perfect porcelain geisha doll. She was probably born wearing bright red lipstick and her hair styled like that. Never has such an extravagant, elegant look been made to look so natural and effortless.
Charlotte Casiraghi, Princess of Monaco
Charlotte pulled out this old thing from the back of her closet. Because Charlotte’s closet is basically just full of amazing ball gowns that most of us can only ever dream about. Because that’s what happens when you’re the Princess of Monaco. Ball gowns are pretty much flying at you from all directions. No biggie.
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