Introducing the esteemed Chef Jacques La Merde, he’s basically full of merde, sort of like all those pretentious foodists. So he has an instagram account where he plates junk food as if he were competing on Top Chef. It’s pretty hilarious … not to mention, strangely appetising?!
“Pogos with Marble Cheeze slices, Honey Ham Rosettes, Spongebob Squarepants Zoodles and mustard tears.”
“Dominos Chicken wing, Buffalo Bugles, raddichio, savory Kraft Blue Cheese Anglais, green goddess enchantment and yello beet”
“Kinder Egg filled with raw cake batter romanced with charred Rice Crispies, peanut butter, Goji and Mesquite powder.”
“Kraft handi-snak with accoutrements of Kale chips, ranch corn nuts, Yyves Veggie-Bologna Strubbs”.
“Dunkin Munchkins, Birthday cake Oreo soil, Snickers Haché, Shamrock Shake Fluid gel and moostracks ice cream quenelle.”
“Still early for our rooftop garden so had to forage this heirloom “Dolé” Arugula at the Piggly Wiggly. Spam torchon with fuzzy peaches, white cheese balls and nuts with local greens.”
“Graham Crack Pastry Cream, generic brand chocolate cake from the freezer section, banana popsicle chunks, Muscle Milk Spheres, Peep, Gusher crudo.”
“Hawaiian bagel bites, Cheetos, Baby carrot & Ranch purée, small vegetables and Chipotle Oil.”
“Rasberry Poptart parfait with vanilla snackpack and grape crush scented gel and enhanced with Mike n Ikes, Cry babies and Fruity Mentos.”
“Hay baked hot pockets with Hidden Valley Bacon Ranch spheres and a purée of Zoodles (Whole Wheat).”
“Hostess cupcakes with rainbow Dunk-A-Roos, Yogurt raisins, some Nibz and Starbucks Mocha Frap Caviar, tiny mint and a piece of fancy moss.”
Try and pretend you’re not a little bit hungry!